We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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