shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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