Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
