no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
