We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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