I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize