I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
