There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
