We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
