I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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