She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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