Where is the hickey?
the day after is always just damage control
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
