I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize