he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
