Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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