Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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