Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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