his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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