Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize