thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's blow job season.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
