He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
