my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
