You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
