Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
