whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
