I think i peed on brittanys purse
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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