My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
