your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
