I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
