You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
