Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
