I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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