you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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