There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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