I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
