can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
