I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
