I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we made out on top of his cat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
