no. you can't hotbox the world.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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