you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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