I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
