I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
