yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
