I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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