i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I intend to get homeless drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize