going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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