Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
