piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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