I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
