That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
