he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
