Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
