Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
