I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
