I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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