I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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