i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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