is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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