I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
