My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
