is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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