My Higher Power is John Stamos
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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