went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
